​Satisfaction is a stable state, not a fleeting one. It comes from meeting your personal standards. While it might be tempting to think that happiness would come from achieving some goal—whether it’s something like landing that dream job or scoring the winning touchdown—the reality is that satisfaction comes from experiencing fulfillment in the activities themselves. In other words: satisfaction is when you meet your own standards for what makes life worth living for you personally. To say it simply, satisfaction comes from how you live your life, whereas happiness is more about the “what” in your life. 

Satisfaction is the better choice because it lasts longer and is generally more beneficial to your mental health in the long run. It’s also an experience that you can find your way back to again and again, like learning how to fish, rather than how to catch a specific fish. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we live what happens to us. In this sense, learning how to achieve a place of satisfaction in life becomes an incredibly important tool for developing the kind of life you’ve always wanted. 


The problem with chasing happiness


The quest for happiness actually distracts from what brings true joy. Happiness has its place, but not as an end goal. Happiness should be seen as an occasional experience that we should enjoy when it comes our way, rather than something we relentlessly pursue as if happiness were some kind of addiction.


The pursuit of happiness as a goal in life is a form of spiritual bypass. Happiness is a fleeting experience: one that can be enjoyed but not truly grasped. Happiness is like that first bite of a gourmet sandwich—it's so good you can't believe your taste buds. But after the initial explosion of flavor and delight, you're left with an empty feeling and hunger for more. You want to go back for another bite and experience those same sensations again...and again...and again...but eventually (probably sooner than later), it won't be enough anymore. In fact, by eating too much of anything delicious we often end up sick from excess or bored from routine. This pursuit of an unsustainable experience is the exact process that keeps you stuck, frustrated  and unable to enjoy what is in front of you.


What can I do instead?


Instead of pursuing happiness and feeling depressed when you can't find it, maybe it's worth considering if happiness really is the right goal to be after in the first place. Deep down, most people want more out of their lives than just happiness. Research in the fields of positive psychology, leads to many studies on how different types of satisfaction are durable and sustainable—lasting much longer than happiness could ever hope to be.


This concept isn't just philosophy and self-help advice. It's backed up by scientific studies that show people who pursue happiness report lower levels of life satisfaction. One study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science found that when people try to actively pursue happiness, they experience more negative emotion, which lowers overall levels of life satisfaction. The takeaway here isn't that you should stop trying to be happy altogether; rather, it's important to make efforts to find contentment with the present moment and ultimately strive to reach a place of satisfaction as your life goal.


Conclusion


Happiness is the most elusive and fleeting emotion imaginable. It’s also one of the most desirable and sought-after states of being, but it’s not worth chasing after. Happiness is fleeting because it depends on external factors, like your relationships, career and social standing. These things can change in an instant– and they will. When they do, you’ll be left wondering why you ever bothered to chase something so transient in the first place. 

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If you’re looking for a more sustainable way to live your life, then try investing in satisfaction. It’s not a fleeting thing that can be lost in an instant, it comes from meeting your personal standards (which are built into you as part of your nature), and it doesn’t require any external validation or encouragement. In short: Satisfaction is a much better use of your time and leads to more stable and durable contentment for the long haul. Which means that if you want a permanent solution to life's problems, this might just be it.

You’re probably familiar with the hustle if you're a type-A overachiever. You’re always on the go, always trying to do more and be more. But what if I told you there’s a better way to get what you want? That you can actually achieve more by doing less?
It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true.

The hustle is a trap that keeps you in a cycle of stress and burnout. And it's not just affecting your mental health; it's also holding you back from achieving goals that bring you deep meaning and feed your soul. It’s time to break free and start saying no to the things that don't align with your highest goals, even if they're "good" opportunities.
Sometimes, the best way to get ahead is to do nothing. Think of this as “strategic inaction.”

There are many benefits to creating a work-life balance. In fact, for many, doing so is proving to be the number one way to reduce stress and actually get more done in the long run.

What is the hustle mentality?

Hustle mentality describes a commitment to doing whatever it takes to get ahead, no matter what, and never to give up, regardless of how insurmountable the challenges are. It usually accompanies an intense need to be seen as successful and accomplished, and many hustlers feel pressure to perform well in everything they do.
Hustle mentality can affect anyone, regardless of their background or aspirations. The symptoms are not always obvious, but they may include:

• A tendency to take on more than one person can handle successfully.
• Excessive fear of failure.
• A sense of personal responsibility for the failures of others.
• A lack of enjoyment in other activities when success isn’t guaranteed.
• An inability to say no or back down from a challenge.

Hustle mentality springs from believing that you must work harder, faster, and longer to get ahead.

Heads up, all you overachievers: Hustle mentality is a myth.

You will burn out if you work harder than anyone else without any breaks or downtime. You'll be stressed out, exhausted, and unable to keep up with your workload–if not physically, then certainly mentally. You will be no good to anyone, least of all to yourself.
What you say no to matters just as much as what you say yes to.

To watch more of this video, visit me over on YouTube, by clicking www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ETxlPgsbKg.

Talk soon!

Hey everybody, I’m here with you today to share a little bit about finding the balance in life between having it all (you know, a demanding and rewarding career, loving home life and family, friends, travel, all the things…) and keeping your sanity.

There’s a very delicate balance between “having it all” and keeping your sanity in this super busy and highly frenetic world that we live in, and I’m here today to help you put it all together so that you can begin to learn about what it takes to manifest a life of deep satisfaction.
This is more important now than ever, as our world is starting to “open back up” a bit after two years of pandemic related social distancing, closures, and quarantine. As people are beginning to get back out into the world, the pace is beginning to pick back up.

Whether you are a business owner or not, a parent with children, or have a demanding career and work life, finding your sweet spot between keeping busy with meaningful activities and maintaining your sanity in this fast-paced world is one of the hardest things to achieve and maintain.

What is true is that having 24/7 access to technology and social media makes certain things much easier to get done, sometimes this constant access can lead to an overload of information and options. Which can bring feelings of overwhelm and pressure to keep all the plates balancing at the same time.


 
Especially for high functioning, Type A, overachievers who have a hard time downshifting anyway on a good day.
 
If you’re one of those people who feels like they must be productive, otherwise you feel like you have nothing to show for your time, you might even feel worthless if you haven’t accomplished something or checked one more item off your list, then I’m talking about you.
There was a science experiment conducted by a Dutch scientist in 1665 who first noticed a phenomenon in pendulum clocks that when put next to each other for a designated period of time, would synchronize no matter how out of sync they were when they started. This experiment was conducted again with a room full of pendulum clocks, and again, the same result was found. What was determined to be the cause for this odd synchronicity was that there was a subtle energy exchange between the clocks. So basically, these scientists found that energy affects energy at whatever surrounding momentum exists.

Translated to human beings, what this illustrates is that the energy you surround yourself with will impact your speed and pace of life. If you surround yourself with fast paced, always “on”, intense expectations that you must operate at a high level at all times, then you will stay at that speed.

Choosing excellence in everything that you do is an outstanding trait to have as a human being. It’s amazing that you want to go the extra mile, however, when you start going the extra mile every single time...you begin to set that extra mile as your normal routine, which means you are pressured to always achieve more and more.

I always like to remind folks that whenever anything no longer feels like a choice in your life, there’s a decent chance that it’s become more about emotional self-preservation than actual motivation to keep the high level of functioning up.

This is an incredibly hard concept to grasp for high achievers who often receive many accolades and lots of support from the world for your ability to “have it all” and function at a high level. You know, “keep it all together”. With a smile on your face.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone reflect back to me (and this is especially true of Enneagram Type 3’s) “how could this be a problem- to want to have it all and function at a high level”?

Here’s why.

For some people, their “busyness” and perfectionistic qualities actually serve as energetic distractions from what you might have to feel if you were to downshift and do less.

I’m talking about what you might have to feel if you gave up trying to keep all the plates spinning at a high level, all the time, or give yourself a break, or accept results that were “less than perfect”.

When I ask someone who comes to me for personality typing or therapeutic coaching “how would it be if you went home and did nothing this weekend” and they look at me like a deer in headlights, that’s how I know I’m on to something.

Sometimes, high levels of achievement and “nothing but the best” attitudes are actually clues that a person is managing some intense emotional feelings deep inside, that without the busyness, might catch up with them.
 
So they keep running. Doing. Accomplishing. Pushing. Having. Achieving. It never stops.

Sadly, what often happens too, is that this pressure often gets transferred onto their families, children, friends, employees, co-workers, pets and becomes almost impossible to shut off.

Sound familiar?

To do this all the time is just not sustainable long-term not to mention that it takes a tremendous toll on your physical and emotional health and well-being.

So, I’m going to share with you a tried and true “hack” for learning how to balance your life AND have it all.

Are you ready for it?
 
Give it up. Stop trying to have it all.
 
I’m serious.

Walk away from this frenetic, fast paced, must-have-it-all-together approach to life, your career, your family, your children.

This is far easier said than done. Believe me, I understand.

I, too, am one of these “high achievers, who likes to keep up a frenetic pace when I’m not able to be with intense feelings yet opening up in my growth process and life.
That’s usually my clue that it’s time to double-down on therapy sessions because I need help understanding what’s really going on in a place that is #deeperthanwords or cognition.

For you to deepen your understanding of yourself and transform your life in a powerful way, you’re going to have to figure out what your high level of momentum is keeping you from having to feel, and then learn how to be with those uncomfortable feelings.

All feelings are important and necessary as they are the energetic messengers about what you “truly” need in your life to be satisfied and at peace, based upon your unique and particular MBTI & Enneagram personality type configuration.
 
All feelings. The good ones, the bad ones, the ugly feelings and everything in between.
And what each of us needs to be satisfied and peaceful often differs based upon who you truly are, not the version of yourself the world has taught you to be.

And when I say “figure out” what your tendency to live from a place of pressure is protecting you from having to feel, I don’t mean listen to a podcast or read a book or try to figure it out with your brain or talk it over with a friend.

Feelings are energy, they are not cognitive thoughts.

That’s why talk therapy can only get you so far into deeply transforming your life and finding a level of balance that feeds you. Feelings exist in a place that is #deeperthanwords and is nonlinear.

To get to the heart of the matter about what pressure is really keeping you from feeling, the place where it’s hard to downshift, you’re going to need help getting to the depths of your feelings inside so that you can untangle this knot once and for all.

Not in your brain, rather in your body.

Linear thinking and cognitive processes help solve problems. Nonlinear healing transforms lives.

You might find that after learning how to be with and learn from all your feelings, including the “unpleasant” ones, you might still choose to keep up with life at a high pace.

Fine. The deciding factor in this case is that you’re choosing this, instead of doing so from a place of pressure.

Unless you’re in a true life or death kind of situation, pressure is ALWAYS a clue that you’re living from an emotionally protective and defensive position in what you’re doing.
And this is always going to keep you running around at a frenetic pace, multitasking everything (including your relationships) while being truly present for nothing.

It’s easy to get caught up in this idea that you have to work at 200%, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in everything that you do, and then, when you are successful, or the chores are done, the house is clean, or the kids grow up and move out, or you reach a certain amount of money in the bank, you can take it down a notch.

There is always more to be done.

This is the very illusion that keeps you imbalanced and trying to have it all in such a way that you enjoy nothing.

Because I’m such a quote gal, I want to share with you one of my favorite quotes of all times from St. Augustine who speaks to this idea of downshifting in life:

People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering.

Don’t let your life speed by without exploring and discovering who you really were meant to be in this lifetime.
That’s what it’s all about. Finding yourself so you can have it all.

I wish that for you, your family, your career, your children and everyone and everything whose life you touch with yours.

There’s peace to be found if you’re willing to take an emotional risk and begin to feel what you’ve spent your busy and highly productive life out running.

This starts by downshifting with support.

I got you!

For more information about my work and how I can help you deeply transform your life and relationships, visit my website at www.kateschroederlpc.com and be sure to join my email list in order to get the latest updates about my services, programs, classes, and workshops.

Bye for now.

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How easy it is to make something different from you, bad or wrong. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about all the ways that “different” is just that: different. 

Sadly, much of our world immediately categorizes anything unusual or “out of the ordinary” as something to be avoided, something to question, and most of all, not something to accept right away.

I get it. As a species, you’re biologically programmed to question what is not familiar to you. That is, in fact, the way that your cave dwelling ancestors survived long enough to keep evolution going.

Problem is, fast forward to today, and many people still react in a similar manner to anything that is “not like us”. 

Whether it’s how someone looks, how they talk, what they choose, what their issues are, what they’re good at or struggle with… doesn’t matter. Most people struggle to accept others’ differences as anything other than a defect or flaw.

Accepting differences as not bad or wrong, does not imply that you don’t get to have your own feelings and preferences about something. On the contrary.

Acceptance can ONLY happen after you’ve had a chance to make your way through all of your own feelings and experiences, so that you can make room for others’ experiences too. 

That’s the only way. 

Developmental theory says that all you can do is support where you are and this will automatically lead to the next step.

So, for many of you, this first step might look like beginning to recognize that you have judgment towards anything that is different than you. This can be hard to see sometimes, especially if you grew up in a family or environment in which everyone was expected to be the “same” or pretty darn close to that.
It’s only by accepting where we are and what is real, can we even begin to move forward
​in our life. 



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This kind of reaction towards someone or something else is always a clue that you’ve emotionally reverted back to your childhood.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. 

Nowhere in all of nature and mankind does right/wrong exist, other than in math. Nowhere.

For sure, there are things that happen that you like a whole lot more than other things that happen that you find offensive or don’t like. 

That’s what personal preferences are all about.

Each of us are wired differently, need different things or approach the world differently based upon our unique characteristics, our life stories. And yes, people very often have different preferences than you.

That doesn’t mean those things (or people) are bad / wrong.

It simply means that they’re different from you and want something other than what you need to be satisfied with life. 

It means that you have a preference for some other choice or type of behavior than what is happening.

It means that you prefer to be treated differently than what they are capable of doing. 

It means that you have a different approach to life, loving, or managing your affairs than them.

It means that you would choose a different way to communicate or talk to someone.

But all these differences do not mean bad or wrong for the “other” and good and right for you.. 

It just means something different.

Sadly, our world does not do a fantastic job of supporting individuality and uniqueness. Here in the United States of America, our country prides itself on rugged individualism and “going for what you want”.

Yet, the minute someone deviates from the “norm”, they are vilified and made “extreme” or radical. 

How sad and confusing then, for those brave people courageous enough to “go for their lives” especially if doing so looks different than the rest of the crowd. 

I mean face it, who’s going to stay connected to their own “true north” if that means ostracization from society and those they love and depend upon for support and survival?
What I have come to learn in my work as a therapist is that in many cases, “different” touches fear inside of people. 

People are afraid of what they don’t understand. Whether that happens inside or outside of them.

It’s a survival approach to life, an old vestige from our early ancestors who had many more threats to their literal existence and often only could survive if they made quick conclusions about their primitive encounters.

It was very effective then, but today leaves little room for connection and understanding.

It’s hard to move towards something that you’re afraid of, even if it’s not a scary thing. No wonder so many people feel disconnected from each other.

I realize how counterintuitive it is to consider that your way of operating and understanding the world might not be as evolved as you’ve been led to believe. 

It is difficult to consider this. Especially when someone or something so different than you is standing right in front of you.

You might ask yourself though, the next time this happens, is this person or experience really bad or wrong or am I afraid of what it is about them that I don’t understand?

It’s worth a shot. 

Making room for “other” does not mean that you have to change or give up who you are.

It simply means moving over so that the other person can have a seat too.

XO Kate



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