Have you ever noticed that while most people consider bragging a “no-no”, that there is still stigma attached to even quieter forms of self-promotion? It’s true. And somehow you’re still supposed to know how to effectively self-promote, while walking this tight line without sounding like you’re bragging. It can be really boring to listen to other people talk about themselves and the last thing you want to do is be considered boring or braggadocious. But if you don’t talk about your accomplishments, you’re gonna have to rely on others to do so for you. Which can leave you feeling powerless and disappointed, not to mention invisible. Sometimes it really does feel almost impossible to be authentic and engaging while still promoting yourself. While it’s super important for others to recognize your gifts and contributions, first they need to see your value and know what you’re up to. Which can feel incredibly challenging to an introvert. I want to clear up some myths about self-promotion….
First of all, it is absolutely possible for you to be a nice person, be authentic and still promote yourself. It’s also possible to promote yourself without bragging OR begging. You can also do so without stretching the truth, talking someone else’s ear off or pushing. You don’t have to be self-centered to be good at self-promotion. And you also don’t have to be an extrovert to do it well. Instead, you can learn how to let your quiet strengths shine through and do it your own way. And that’s what I am here to help you do: help you find your own way to effectively share your gifts with the world. The world needs you and what you have to offer. I promise. If you’d like to chat more about this and how I can help, let’s talk. I am grateful that you are a part of my community and I am here to support you however I can. Stay safe and be well. In Healing, Kate Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to promote someone else than it is to talk about yourself??? At least as an introvert it sure is… It’s nothing to fight for other people, earn them accolades and promotions but when it comes to yourself, feel sooooo much more challenging to make the case on your own behalf. Ever wondered why this is true? Well...there’s not as much of “you” on the line when you try to sell someone on someone else than there is when you try to sell others on you. It’s much, much easier to accept defeat, rejection (this one is a doozy!) or ridicule on your friend’s behalf than it is to accept and deal with on your own behalf. Believe me, I know. Avoiding defeat, rejection and potential ridicule is a behavioral loop that’s easy for me to get stuck in- as if “not putting myself out there” eliminates any possibility of EVER feeling these things. Although that might work in the short run, it’s not a very effective way to move about the world. I’m usually the first one to jump up when it comes to promoting someone else’s value or work- but when it comes to making the case for why I might be up for a promotion, it becomes incredibly challenging. Introverts are often heard thinking, “It’d be so much easier if my good work just could speak for itself”. Although there is merit for dancing your dance and naturally drawing those interested in what you have to offer, the world needs what introverts have to offer.
On a bigger scale. I’m pretty sure that Margaret Mead was talking about when she said: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” Don’t wait for others to figure out your gifts on their own. It’s up to you to find a way to share your potential and your passion with the world. If you’d like to chat more about this, let’s talk. I can help. I am grateful that you are a part of my community and I am here to support you however I can. Stay safe and be well. In Healing, Kate The other day, I talked about how counterintuitive it is for introverts to consider “putting themselves out there”. We are just not naturally wired to self-promote in all the usual ways. You know, we have the tendency to give credit to the group over credit to ourselves. What’s this about? Well, some of it is definitely attributed to our wiring as an introvert. We are intrinsically wired to dive deeply into our inner world, sometimes getting lost in our tasks, mental meanderings and musings. Some of this though, is also about how much we were encouraged to be big and powerful in our past. If humility was considered a virtue in your family or past, chances are you were encouraged to “not brag”, “not boast” and not “draw attention to yourself”. You add this hidden (and sometimes not-so-hidden) messaging to the introvert equation and bam….! If this sounds like you, chances are you’d rather eat mud than draw attention to yourself. I get it. Sometimes it feels really difficult to be an introvert in an extroverted world. I want you to know, though, that promoting yourself does not require that you suddenly become an extrovert through osmosis… there ARE things that you can do. Here’s some super easy ideas for jump starting your visibility:
And if you are interested in really getting out of your comfort zone…
Now there’s an idea! As I’ve said before, what you have going for you as an introvert, is the ability to deeply commit to learning how to do this with depth and intensity.
Don’t wait for others to figure out your gifts on their own. It’s up to you to find a way to share your potential and your passion with the world. If you’d like some help with learning how to do this, let’s talk. I am grateful that you are a part of my community and I am here to support you however I can. Stay safe and be well. In Healing, Kate I’ve seen you before… you’re the one eating lunch alone. Or the quiet one in the meetings as your louder colleagues and friends get noticed over you. I get it. That’s me too. You just keep waiting for there to be an opening in the conversation or someone to ask you about your ideas, hoping that someone will discover you… Given the current events happening in our world as well as the tough economic and job situation right now, I wonder… How long are you going to have to wait? If waiting isn’t an option any longer, then you’re going to want to hear what I have to say next. Being an introvert, you tend to want to think before you speak. And often (again, as an introvert) some weird logic prevails about how others should figure out your gifts on their own. I mean, really- have you ever felt this way? As an introvert, I sure have. And guess what- in this day and age, if you’re not willing to “put yourself out there” and do a little self-promotion, you probably won’t get noticed, at least not as much as other people. I want to share something now that might challenge everything you’ve come to know about yourself as an introvert: Just as there is no one “right way” to promote yourself, there is also no one “right” self-promotion goal. There are lots of ways to gain visibility in this big wide world, especially in the area of online business. Gaining visibility is definitely a big challenge for introverts. We often immerse ourselves in our tasks, diving into the depths of our inner worlds. Sometimes we neglect to come up for air to take credit in discovering new worlds and ideas. Yet, it’s not all a lost cause if you’re striving to find a way to make a mark on the world in a visible way. One of the greatest myths about promoting yourself is that you are supposed to be out there talking yourself up to everyone about everything. That’s not what it’s about. A very simple yet powerful tip that you can begin to practice as an introvert is to experiment with using the word “I” instead of the word “we”. This doesn’t come naturally to an introvert because we typically like to give credit to the group. However, when an idea is truly yours, you might consider saying something like “I came up with the idea” rather than “we came up with the idea”. Give it a try. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. One of the things that introverts do have working for them is the ability to stay the course and approach learning how to do this with depth and intensity.
It’s up to you to find a way to let your passion and potential bubble out of you so that you can share them with the world. It’s going to take practice, discipline, getting out of your comfort zone, along with some good ‘ole fashioned trial and error. The thing is, it’s almost always worth it. If you’d like to chat more about this, let’s talk. I am grateful that you are a part of my community and I am here to support you however I can. Stay safe and be well. In Healing, Kate Did you know that 75% of the time that someone takes the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test the results are inaccurate? That's because you have an Enneagram defense system always running in the background and responsible for answering some of the questions. Without verifying your MBTI results, with a clinician trained in understanding the interplay of both your MBTI & Enneagram parts, your results may or may not be true. Take a look at why this happens! So...we all know that the COVID19 pandemic has totally blown up every ounce of “normal” right now, in just about every aspect of life.. It’s like there’s a “Before-COVID19” and an “After-COVID19” reality that we are all trying to adjust to right now. I heard someone say the other day, when asked how they were doing, that they were “adjusting daily”. YES. Here’s one thing, though, that I do appreciate about what we are going through... Adjusting daily to the latest turn of events is requiring me to get out of my comfort zone, get creative and find new ways of doing old things. I really, really love growth opportunities. (Usually more so after the fact, but hey, that’s still love right?) :-) So, here’s a question for you... Do you know why the butterfly struggles so hard to get out of its chrysalis…? Well, when a butterfly emerges from the chrysalis, its wings are small and wet and it cannot yet fly. In its struggle to emerge, the butterfly pumps fluids from its abdomen through the veins in its wings, which causes the wings to expand to its full size. The “struggle” is what ensures its wings will expand to full capacity, capable of flying. Without some struggle and distress, it would never, ever fly. Pretty freakin’ cool, huh? Mother Nature really does have it all figured out. Let me share a little bit with you about my own “covid19 metamorphosis”... I have been listening to needs in the mental health community in regards to what people are feeling right now in the midst of the pandemic and realized that this is the PERFECT time to get creative and break out of the box. So...I did and have come up with some new services that I am excited to tell you about. Drumroll please… I now offer therapeutic chat and messaging services for those people who might want some therapeutic support but just don’t feel quite ready to start full-blown therapy. Although 1:1 therapy is proven to be one of the most powerful ways to create deep and lasting change in your life, therapeutic chat and messaging offers an innovative way for people to begin to get the mental health support they need in a non-threatening, private and safe kind of way. Without having to start up a “full-blown” therapeutic relationship. Which can be an incredibly intimidating process for people who easily get overwhelmed by the idea. Therapeutic chat and messaging allows for people to get what they need in a way that they need. It’s not a substitute for therapy but it certainly is a beginning place for those people who are struggling emotionally but the idea of starting a “full blown” face to face therapeutic relationship with a new therapist feels like too much.
Brilliant, huh? I think so. Honestly, I am grateful for the ways that this pandemic has challenged me to come up with some “out-of-the-box” ways to myself available as a mental health provider. It’s been exciting, overwhelming, daunting and rewarding. And what I have learned to be true about change, is that change is often precipitated by crises, discomfort and even a little bit of pain. Works for me. So, if you are interested or know of someone who is interested in getting some support via therapeutic chat and messaging but aren’t quite ready to dive into one on one therapy, let’s chat! You can reach me always by sending me a message in my Facebook community, by email or scheduling a short call to see how I might best be able to help. As always, I am grateful that you are a part of my community and I am here to support you however I can. Stay safe and be well. Do you remember that song by the Bangles…? It was one of my favorites… I can remember being in high school and riding along with my friends, car windows rolled down… belting this out at the top of my lungs… Oh, the good ‘old days. Back before a pandemic. Way, way, way back before social-distancing and sheltering-in-place became the new normal. I woke up thinking about it being a Monday and wondering how people have been feeling about work these days, especially last night. What I am talking about specifically are the “Sunday blues”... You know, that feeling in the pit of your stomach when Sunday afternoon rolls around and you start remembering that you gotta go back to work tomorrow. And I started wondering if people are still feeling the “Sunday Blues” these days or if it feels different now that we are all working from home. I would imagine that it has to feel a little bit different, but maybe it doesn't. I mean, thinking about waking up and being able to work from home, um, certainly lends a different light on the whole work thing. Right? I have for a very, very long time been thinking about our, our whole work paradigm here in the United States. I constantly hear that one of the biggest struggles for many people is finding a satisfying work-life balance. Especially if the work they're doing doesn't feel meaningful or they don't have the freedom or the flexibility that they need in their careers to be able to juggle work and life. Our work paradigm right now, at least here in the United States, is very much geared towards a certain kind of worker, right? There’s not a lot of flexibility and autonomy and for some people, that’s ok, they actually thrive in that kind of structure. These folks generally are “Sensors” on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). For them, routine, consistency, step-by-step procedures are their wheel house, their “sweet spot”. They are highly productive in this kind of setting. However, for many other people, they need to have more freedom to be able to work when they're motivated and take a break when they're not. They need more variety and autonomy. They’re big picture thinkers. And by being able to have that kind of freedom and that kind of flexibility, they actually end up far more productive than if they have to sit at their desk or their workspace and grind it out for eight hours a day. We call these kinds of people “Intuitives” on the MBTI Personality Typology. So I'm fascinated to see, now that we’ve all been forced to work from home, how this new “working virtually” experience might impact our work paradigm in the long run. My hope is that when all of this quarantining is over and we go back to our routines, that we also take along with us, the ability to give people a choice about how they want to work so that they are more able to easily integrate work in life. Because I'll tell you what, I'm feeling a significant shift in many people’s energy right now for the better when it comes being able to work from home. My clinical bet is that if we were to give people more of that freedom and permission to put their lives together in a way that they can thrive, that we'll see far less depression and anxiety and addictions and things like that too. It’s not rocket science. It’s called finding the “zone”. Whether a sensor or an intuitive, I’d love to hear how you’re doing and what it’s like for you right now working from home. In healing, Kate XO As this social distancing continues, with no obvious end in sight, I can’t help but believe that this whole “sheltering-in-place” practice has GOT to be feeling different for introverts and extroverts. Although it’s for incredibly serious reasons why we’re being asked to social distance, it is also incredibly emboldening to finally feel societal support for introverted ways. Whether introverted or extroverted, I’d love to hear how you’re doing and what it’s like for you being forced to stay put. Take a look-see and be sure to let me know how you're doing! |
AuthorKate is an INFJ-3 on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and Enneagram. Archives
September 2022
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