The number one hack for balancing your life (Demanding Career, Loving Home & Family, Friends, Travel, Etc.) & Having It All
Hey everybody, I’m here with you today to share a little bit about finding the balance in life between having it all (you know, a demanding and rewarding career, loving home life and family, friends, travel, all the things…) and keeping your sanity.
There’s a very delicate balance between “having it all” and keeping your sanity in this super busy and highly frenetic world that we live in, and I’m here today to help you put it all together so that you can begin to learn about what it takes to manifest a life of deep satisfaction.
This is more important now than ever, as our world is starting to “open back up” a bit after two years of pandemic related social distancing, closures, and quarantine. As people are beginning to get back out into the world, the pace is beginning to pick back up.
Whether you are a business owner or not, a parent with children, or have a demanding career and work life, finding your sweet spot between keeping busy with meaningful activities and maintaining your sanity in this fast-paced world is one of the hardest things to achieve and maintain.
What is true is that having 24/7 access to technology and social media makes certain things much easier to get done, sometimes this constant access can lead to an overload of information and options. Which can bring feelings of overwhelm and pressure to keep all the plates balancing at the same time.
Especially for high functioning, Type A, overachievers who have a hard time downshifting anyway on a good day.
If you’re one of those people who feels like they must be productive, otherwise you feel like you have nothing to show for your time, you might even feel worthless if you haven’t accomplished something or checked one more item off your list, then I’m talking about you.
There was a science experiment conducted by a Dutch scientist in 1665 who first noticed a phenomenon in pendulum clocks that when put next to each other for a designated period of time, would synchronize no matter how out of sync they were when they started. This experiment was conducted again with a room full of pendulum clocks, and again, the same result was found. What was determined to be the cause for this odd synchronicity was that there was a subtle energy exchange between the clocks. So basically, these scientists found that energy affects energy at whatever surrounding momentum exists.
Translated to human beings, what this illustrates is that the energy you surround yourself with will impact your speed and pace of life. If you surround yourself with fast paced, always “on”, intense expectations that you must operate at a high level at all times, then you will stay at that speed.
Choosing excellence in everything that you do is an outstanding trait to have as a human being. It’s amazing that you want to go the extra mile, however, when you start going the extra mile every single time...you begin to set that extra mile as your normal routine, which means you are pressured to always achieve more and more.
I always like to remind folks that whenever anything no longer feels like a choice in your life, there’s a decent chance that it’s become more about emotional self-preservation than actual motivation to keep the high level of functioning up.
This is an incredibly hard concept to grasp for high achievers who often receive many accolades and lots of support from the world for your ability to “have it all” and function at a high level. You know, “keep it all together”. With a smile on your face.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone reflect back to me (and this is especially true of Enneagram Type 3’s) “how could this be a problem- to want to have it all and function at a high level”?
For some people, their “busyness” and perfectionistic qualities actually serve as energetic distractions from what you might have to feel if you were to downshift and do less.
I’m talking about what you might have to feel if you gave up trying to keep all the plates spinning at a high level, all the time, or give yourself a break, or accept results that were “less than perfect”.
When I ask someone who comes to me for personality typing or therapeutic coaching “how would it be if you went home and did nothing this weekend” and they look at me like a deer in headlights, that’s how I know I’m on to something.
Sometimes, high levels of achievement and “nothing but the best” attitudes are actually clues that a person is managing some intense emotional feelings deep inside, that without the busyness, might catch up with them.
So they keep running. Doing. Accomplishing. Pushing. Having. Achieving. It never stops.
Sadly, what often happens too, is that this pressure often gets transferred onto their families, children, friends, employees, co-workers, pets and becomes almost impossible to shut off.
To do this all the time is just not sustainable long-term not to mention that it takes a tremendous toll on your physical and emotional health and well-being.
So, I’m going to share with you a tried and true “hack” for learning how to balance your life AND have it all.
Are you ready for it?
Give it up. Stop trying to have it all.
Walk away from this frenetic, fast paced, must-have-it-all-together approach to life, your career, your family, your children.
This is far easier said than done. Believe me, I understand.
I, too, am one of these “high achievers, who likes to keep up a frenetic pace when I’m not able to be with intense feelings yet opening up in my growth process and life.
That’s usually my clue that it’s time to double-down on therapy sessions because I need help understanding what’s really going on in a place that is #deeperthanwords or cognition.
For you to deepen your understanding of yourself and transform your life in a powerful way, you’re going to have to figure out what your high level of momentum is keeping you from having to feel, and then learn how to be with those uncomfortable feelings.
All feelings are important and necessary as they are the energetic messengers about what you “truly” need in your life to be satisfied and at peace, based upon your unique and particular MBTI & Enneagram personality type configuration.
All feelings. The good ones, the bad ones, the ugly feelings and everything in between.
And what each of us needs to be satisfied and peaceful often differs based upon who you truly are, not the version of yourself the world has taught you to be.
And when I say “figure out” what your tendency to live from a place of pressure is protecting you from having to feel, I don’t mean listen to a podcast or read a book or try to figure it out with your brain or talk it over with a friend.
Feelings are energy, they are not cognitive thoughts.
That’s why talk therapy can only get you so far into deeply transforming your life and finding a level of balance that feeds you. Feelings exist in a place that is #deeperthanwords and is nonlinear.
To get to the heart of the matter about what pressure is really keeping you from feeling, the place where it’s hard to downshift, you’re going to need help getting to the depths of your feelings inside so that you can untangle this knot once and for all.
Not in your brain, rather in your body.
Linear thinking and cognitive processes help solve problems. Nonlinear healing transforms lives.
You might find that after learning how to be with and learn from all your feelings, including the “unpleasant” ones, you might still choose to keep up with life at a high pace.
Fine. The deciding factor in this case is that you’re choosing this, instead of doing so from a place of pressure.
Unless you’re in a true life or death kind of situation, pressure is ALWAYS a clue that you’re living from an emotionally protective and defensive position in what you’re doing.
And this is always going to keep you running around at a frenetic pace, multitasking everything (including your relationships) while being truly present for nothing.
It’s easy to get caught up in this idea that you have to work at 200%, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in everything that you do, and then, when you are successful, or the chores are done, the house is clean, or the kids grow up and move out, or you reach a certain amount of money in the bank, you can take it down a notch.
There is always more to be done.
This is the very illusion that keeps you imbalanced and trying to have it all in such a way that you enjoy nothing.
Because I’m such a quote gal, I want to share with you one of my favorite quotes of all times from St. Augustine who speaks to this idea of downshifting in life:
People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering.
Don’t let your life speed by without exploring and discovering who you really were meant to be in this lifetime.
That’s what it’s all about. Finding yourself so you can have it all.
I wish that for you, your family, your career, your children and everyone and everything whose life you touch with yours.
There’s peace to be found if you’re willing to take an emotional risk and begin to feel what you’ve spent your busy and highly productive life out running.
This starts by downshifting with support.
I got you!
For more information about my work and how I can help you deeply transform your life and relationships, visit my website at www.kateschroederlpc.com and be sure to join my email list in order to get the latest updates about my services, programs, classes, and workshops.
Bye for now.
Kate is an INFJ-3 on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and Enneagram.